Venturing into Volunteer work; Holding Space for Complex-PTSD.
As part of my new role as a social media moderator, I met with one of the staff members from the Complex-PTSD foundation. She, like me, lives with the reality of the condition, and we immediately connected through this shared experience. I realised that apart from my therapist (a survivor of Complex-ptsd too), I don’t talk directly to anyone else who has a lived experience. There was so much to learn, and she shared so many new perspectives and ideas that I knew I wanted to write a blog! I want to credit her (and will do it privately) for the inspiration for this blog! She has been a brand new breath of fresh air!
She mentioned the phrase “holding space” several times to me during our conversation and this really intrigued and inspired me. I loved how this captures what it is we really want to offer when talking to those affected by trauma. When I work as an advanced nurse practitioner, I exercise the skills I have learning to perform consultations, to take a medical/clinical history and to create a therapeutic relationship with the patient. Part of this involves really being able to listen.
Holding space goes beyond the ability to listen. I feel like it is much more nuanced and requires a real skill of understanding what it is to be vulnerable, to not trust, to have been denied one’s truth, rejected, abused. Just listening is critical, but when I heard about the concept of holding space, I understood that I had experienced this with my therapist and could transfer this to those I might help.
The true meaning may differ for different people but for me, essentially, I feel like it is the ability to demonstrate presence in someone else’s story without intrusion. It allows me to witness that person’s pain, without encroaching on the process, without offering a solution, or trying to “fix” something. It ensures that while holding space, the individual and I develop a shared, unspoken, if you like, understanding that there is safety in the moment, there is trust, and there is permission to express emotion. Or not. The very centre of holding space, for me, is choice.
We discussed this, and she showed me how these skills and principles are central to the role of a moderator. I imagined performing the role on a live forum, with excitement as well as nerves. Part of my job will be to ensure that all participants in a conversation are validated, whether it be a simple emoji or a typed or spoken response. My lead explained that there are guidelines and rules, some of which felt more obvious. She described using language with intent, for example, when sending a virtual hug on a platform for CPTSD, it’s about getting permission. Emotional gestures, whether virtual or otherwise, can be a trigger, so we need to be mindful when offering this.
She talked about the online conversations and how important it is that all involved feel “seen” and “heard”. Of course, this applies to any conversation, but my job is to very carefully watch the flow of conversation and validate all contributions. There are other rules and guidelines that I will need to learn, but already I feel like I am exercising skills that I already possess. I think I may have “held” space for others already, so familiar are the principles to me. I know that my therapist has “held space” for me for four years! Wow, that is some weight! Well, I always knew she was worth her “weight” whether held or not, in gold!
If you or someone you know is suffering, and any of the issues I have talked about resonate, please reach out to your own GP, 111, or go online; there are many resources, including the Complex PTSD foundation.
