Validation
Validation, according to the Oxford dictionary, is:
“The act of proving something true or correct, making something legally recognized, or stating officially that something is useful and of an acceptable standard. It can also refer to the act of confirming a person’s or their ideas, feelings, actions as acceptable and worthy.”
Well, if I apply this definition literally, I was deemed useful and of an acceptable standard yesterday, in my role as a remote digital advanced nurse practitioner. There is a monthly meeting called “Town Hall Meeting” which I rarely get to attend, such is the demand of the job and the clinical hours that make up 99% of my day.
As I was working through my first four hours, which is made up of fifteen-minute appointments (back-to-back, I might add!) I received a notification from my line manager that there was a comment about me. Sadly, my default response, which is intrinsically linked to my complex-PTSD, is that something is wrong.
I start to run thousands of scenarios in my mind, within a space of seconds, of what the “comment” might be. Have I misdiagnosed a patient? Is there a prescribing error? Have I upset anyone? After I have considered how I will phrase my resignation letter, I see the upload of the comment….
Clinician of the month award goes to . . me! I was in the middle of my session, but as soon as I saw it, I was over the moon! Someone had nominated me for being kind and supportive. I can say that having that validation, and for it to be announced to all the team (its UK-wide) was just amazing.
I screen-shotted the notification! This will go into my Nursing validation folder. Believe it or not, as nurses, we must pay an annual fee and revalidate every three years by completing a portfolio of evidence. This evidence can be courses, learning, reflective pieces, and feedback from colleagues and patients. The word validation always held connotations of panic, because as a nurse, I have always associated it with having to “prove” myself.
Of course, the importance of safety demands that as nurses, we are rigorously reviewed periodically, because we are responsible for patient care. I can appreciate the need to ensure we are developing, evolving, and maintaining standards. After all, we are on a national register, and my place on it, for the last 24 years, has reflected my dedication as a nurse over more than two decades.
Sometimes it can be just as powerful to validate ourselves. We don’t necessarily need to have our value determined by an external source. It is certainly a wonderful boost to the ego to hear that you are talented, or kind, or skilled in your role. But what can be more empowering is when we have self-approval. When we accept ourselves and learn to celebrate our small wins, we invest in our personal growth and evolution.
Some days, when I am experiencing panic, which in most cases has no warning, I praise myself for getting through the day. I reach the end of my session, and as I close my computer, I take a breath and sit in gratitude. I conquered the day. I demonstrated strength and resilience. I survived. Of course, there are other days, when I wake up with lightness in my heart, and on these days I do so much more than survive. I thrive, I enjoy, I learn, and I appreciate what I do and how far I have come.
These are the pats on the back that so many of us want to receive but never do! It’s time to celebrate yourself. Who said a party for one can’t be an absolute blast! You get to blow the candles out and have all the cake! Metaphorically speaking! Start the day in gratitude and end the day with pride. You did it! You got up, made your bed, faced another day. For some of you, these tasks were all done while carrying the load of anxiety, panic, or depression.
Validate your battles, turn the language around. They are no longer battles; they are victories. You are not surviving, you are thriving. You are shining through your panic; you are climbing over the rock of your depression. You have smiled in the face of sadness and drawn inner strength no matter the load. This is validation. You showed up for yourself.
Imagine the accolade of receiving an award every time you fought another day, finished another shift at work, completed all your domestic duties, and made sure your children were safe? A standing ovation when you made your bed, and changed your clothes? What about OBE for turning up to work on time, when your heart was heavy with dread? Or a lifetime achievement award for getting your children to school on time and washing the breakfast pots?
Our walls would be museums of awards and trophies and photographs of knighthoods and handshakes with world leaders. But in the end, the only award that has any worth is the one we give ourselves. We are enough. Our walls are already crowded with echoes of our success, bravery, resilience, healing. We never need to reach far when we are seeking approval because it’s already within us. You are enough, I am enough, we are enough.
