Review: Claire Jenkins: Complex PTSD: The complete guide to understanding, treating and recovering from Trauma
As part of my recovery from Complex PTSD I continue to read and explore the research that underpins this condition. In her book about the condition, Claire Jenkins describes this debilitating mental health disorder as purely neurological which sets it apart from many other mental health conditions.
This supports my choice of therapy, because my counsellor has a particular interest in neuroscience, and the work we do is based directly on this. In this new book review, I bring to you another informative and enlightening read about Complex-PTSD.
In her work, Jenkins explores behaviours of those with the condition, the features that set this condition aside from other disorders and a chapter dedicated to the treatment and management. However, she does make clear that there is no cure, rather there is hope and opportunity for victims to go on to improve their lives while living with the condition.
I loved this book in particular because again, the words felt like they were being written directly to me. For example, she talks about some of the unique features of Complex PTSD and I can relate to each.
Flashbacks: I have recurring dreams, in which a predator is always chasing me, whether on foot, in a car or in the air and the theme of the nightmares would be that there was no escape, the predator is in my head. These dreams have an identical plot, always the same ending, and always terrifying.
Toxic shame: An entrenched self-belief of wrong, damaged self, unlovable self. From as young as I can remember, I was called fatty or chubby, and this was particularly difficult because I was the twin of a very thin counterpart. I also grew up and at different ages right up to adulthood was called “ugly” and this was reinforced because there were different groups of people who berated me, from my early and late teens, and much earlier, in the family household. I was once told, by an aunty, that one day I would blossom. Perhaps this was a back handed compliment. In a way she was saying I hadn’t yet!
This second feature of Complex PTSD manifested in my obsession with exercise and dieting. My oldest sister wrote a poem once called “Crusts”. When I was 18 and living with her, I denied myself real food, meals. This inevitably led to a fierce and permanent hunger. I am surprised to this day that I didn’t end up eating all her furniture, or her. Instead I settled for the crusts from her toast, the supper she allowed herself on an evening, after we had done our “Cher” fitness (another blog!). I even ate the remains of her apple cores.
That year my periods stopped. No wonder. My body was screaming out to me to eat. I weighed 8 stone. I now weight 10.5 stone, and am a size 12. I cannot imagine how I could have weighed 8 stone and looked healthy. I didn’t know then, that I had toxic shame about my body. I would go on to develop new equally harmful eating habits, exercise routines, and later, even resort to major surgery, such was my need to perfect my outer appearance.
Substance abuse and Self harming
These two go hand in hand, as far as I understand because substance abuse is a form of self-harm. Jenkins also highlights the prevalence of this with Complex-PTSD. I can give you direct evidence of this, as a survivor of the condition. In my late teens I used alcohol and cigarettes (I can hear Oasis here) and promiscuity. Jenkins refers to lack of boundary setting and personal safety. Ding dong! A full house.
Later in life, after having my children, and reaching menopause, I developed other coping mechanisms. Where alcohol no longer suited my menopausal state (there is research that some women develop an intolerance) I turned to pain killers. This would become a habit, one that kept me safe. Or so my neurological condition would have me believe. I talk of habit forming in my other blog about Atomic Habits, James Clear, so here we have a collaboration of complex trauma response with habit forming; the killer duo.
Emotional dysregulation
As far back as I can remember I had an inability to contain my emotions. In my book I have already written details about this, the tantrums I had, the self -harm from as young as two, in the form of biting. My fiery outbursts would lead to a label I don’t think I have been pardoned from to this day. Emotional dysregulation can lead to these outbursts of anger, frustration, or terror and I still experience these, but in an adult body, I often internalise the emotions due to social etiquette and being “all grown up now”! This does not remove the problem though. Instead my internal health is affected; raised heart rate, irritability, hypertension, digestive problems. Jenkins lists all of these in her section on the physical effects of Complex-PTSD.
As an adult, I have continued to be judged for what my counsellor and my research have now shown is a symptom of Complex –PTSD. Only last year, one of the closest people, and one who I have known longer than anyone else on the planet, judged the very symptoms I have listed above, reporting them all the local Children’s Services where I live. I was described as a domestic abuser, a binge drinker, a suicidal risk and violent to one of my children (although the reporter admitted that she didn’t witness it and couldn’t recall who told her about it either). This report came to me one Wednesday afternoon at 1pm. The case was closed by 4pm. Malicious. No further action.
I only dare to write what was said of me, because I am so confident in my truth. Otherwise I have given you, the reader, the smoke, where in another chapter or blog, you will find the fire. I am not the things that were said of me, and the official authorities agreed with me. Only after I explained to them about my condition, and about my four years in therapy, and about my diagnosis, did they start to realise that the accusation of my parenting skills was malicious. I was heartbroken. I still am. To be judged by an individual who is a care worker, who has done training in counselling, and who herself, had an horrific childhood filled with every kind of abuse.
Sadly, because there is still so much mystery and uncertainty about Complex-PTSD people will continue to judge those who exhibit classic signs. After reading this book I definitely have more self-compassion which I extend to anyone who is equally affected. This condition can damage so many people’s lives, and to create a “blame” culture where fingers are pointed to the behaviours so intrinsic to this condition. We need to harness a world where we judge not, unless we are willing to judge ourselves, we judge not, unless we know the full story and we judge not, those who have substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal ideation, or emotional dysregulation. Another thought provoking and well written depiction of Complex-PTSD, which has provided more insight personally, and created food for thought for the next chapter of my book!
