It’s In the Stars
I have always been fascinated with astrology, the study of the twelve signs of the zodiac. Although there is debate as to whether this classed as a science, I am convinced of its importance in creation and human existence. There are too many coincidences, and as they say in the spiritual community, there is no such thing as coincidence. Let me give you an example. I am a Sagittarius with Scorpio rising and Aquarius moon. That in and of itself won’t convince you, I know. However, what if I told you I share the exact same placing as my husband. In fact, he was born on the same date, and time, but three years before!
One of the first things I asked the man, when I met him 9th June 2007, at 02:00, was when his birthday was. I wonder where the moon was placed at this very minute! Somewhere wonderful, I hope, to bless the union. I was slightly taken aback, and suffice to say, felt cheated that I would never have a birthday all of my own. Remember, as a twin, I am used to sharing the special day! Now it was a threesome, of the astrological kind, I might add!
Solar return is the astrological term that refers to our birthdays. I have had 50! But if time is an illusion, perhaps I’m not this age, perhaps I am the age according to the return of Pluto over so many years, or Jupiter (the latter rules Sagittarius after all). We’re only as old as we feel after all and birthdays are less desirable the greater the age, reminding us of our disappearing youth. On the flip side, perhaps wisdom is the gift of age. Youth is wasted on the young, after all, because they have not the wisdom to be in the moment! That is a broad statement, I can bet there are many of the new generation, who are becoming mindful and waking up.
If we consider the moon, and its effect on the tides, we can appreciate the power of planets. Consider gravity, (consider this a lot, as an alternative explanation for my weight). If it weren’t for gravity, we would be weightless. But dead. Consider the sun, and how it sustains life, warms the air we breathe, nourishes all living things.
Consider the language in our everyday life. We talk of reaching for the stars, we describe loved ones as being sunshine in our lives, how we would travel to the moon and back for love. We even categorise behavioural differences between men and women according to the planet they come from: men are from mars; women are from Venus.
Planets have been studied for centuries and hold a great deal of importance to humanity, both spiritually, physically and scientifically. There is still so much mystery and perhaps this is part of the attraction. I love the idea that the universe is infinite, I am fascinated by the theories of time, black holes, and thoroughly enjoyed Stephen Hawkings “Theory of Everything”, after intricately translating the complex and scientific language and concepts.
My sister and I also went to see the film at the cinema, both equally astounded by the expanse of space, the infinite reality of it. I remember one day, travelling back from our other sister, we decided to ring an old friend to describe how long humans can survive in Space, if they were to encounter a “rip” in their space suit. This felt like information that could not wait and was needed for the other person to be able to complete their day. For your information, humans can remain both alive and useful for at least nine and twelve seconds in Space, with a tear. I hope I’ve cleared any uncertainty that you may otherwise have had on this matter, if you end up in Space, wearing a damage space suit.
I digress from the point, that I am passionate about astrology, and was very surprised to be sharing my birthday with my husband, wondering, in the very early years, if it would be a partnership of compatibility, given that we may be very similar, or whether opposites really do attract. I am lucky enough to be able to celebrate entering my eighteenth year with the man, and we still celebrate our birthdays together. It’s one way of never forgetting your spouses’ birthday!
It can be a confusing battle with self-awareness when you suffer with Complex-PTSD, you often wonder what elements of your personality, are character, and what are coping mechanisms or maladapted behaviours born out of years of abuse. For example, and here’s where I bare my soul and admit to all the flaws and imperfections, I am impatient, bad tempered, feisty, and sometimes blunt. I am argumentative, passionate and oftentimes hot headed. The fire sign Sagittarius has some of these traits, but so does the fight response.
I talk with my therapist, not about astrology, we don’t do palm readings or get the tarot out. She helps me understand some of the more powerful emotions, those I don’t feel in control of. I came to realise, at the age of 46+ that part of these characteristics that once defined me, were signs of emotional dysregulation. Where others might not react emotionally to a situation, it was my only response, and it was immediate. There was no time for my frontal brain to activate a logical response to an everyday stress.
An example would be in my car, where another driver would cut out in front of me. My immediate response would be to take it entirely personally. I would be outraged that they could possibly invade my part of the road, and I would lose my temper without tapping into the logical frame of mind, one which would allow me to take a minute, and to consider my reactions, and whether actually, the driver was in a rush somewhere important, or was having a really bad day and wanted to get home.
I began to see that some of the traits I had been associated with and which were glued to my sense of self, were behaviours. My therapist helped me see that there was very good reason why I felt angry at the world, a lot of the time. I did! I grew up into a world of chaos, where authority and care givers were unreliable and caused pain and sadness. No wonder I wanted to lash out. There was a lot of buried hurt and as my therapist taught me, anger is not a primary emotion. Under it lies sadness, pain, sorrow. Here started a journey of self-compassion for me which shifted a lot of my self-identification.
I started to shed the layers of trauma, to reveal a more authentic self, one that while flawed, had a big heart, was passionate because she had so much energy and a huge heart. I began to count my blessings. I focused on these, to balance all the internal criticism. I have a generous nature, I have a deep empathy for others, particularly the vulnerable, hence the career in nursing. I am friendly, and often get described as having a sunny disposition. This is reflected often; in reports I have bimonthly at work.
Interestingly, the Sagittarius has these traits, while the Scorpio ascendent, has the more serious, brooding, introspective side. I am this too. I’ve been told I have piercing eyes, another Scorpion trait, and I have the more athletic build of a Sag, which is preferable to the crustacean counterpart. I suppose we could all make ourselves fit a certain mould, and in some ways, we could be cynical and say horoscopes and astrology are nonsense. But as part of my spiritual journey, the more I learn, the more it all interlinks- the universe, the planet alignment, the moon phases, and humanity.
In fact, if we want to get philosophical, consciousness is universal. We are all one awareness; we are all one with the universe. That’s a huge concept to wrap your head around. What a beautiful idea, to know that we are all connected and that we are infinite energy. After all, we are made from energy, and all that happens after we die, is transference of that energy. That’s a whole other book! All I can tell you is I am widening my knowledge base and seeing the world with a new more inquisitive and limitless mind.
